Les Chats

I am a Dog Person. Felines were never in my life. My family was allergic, physically or mentally. Friends have them so I have learned my way. They are complicated. RBF is the default setting, they never smile, tail and voice are unreliable indicators of … anything. Dogs are simple: wag, smile, bark, growl, hackles, paw, kissies.

Now I am caretaking for Les Chats. They are French and, like French chefs, believe they set the standard.

Hercules

I am magnificent. I awaken and the Manor shudders when I jump off the bed, disturbing all slumbering creatures. My saunter down the stairs announces my arrival in a style replicated wonderfully at Haute Couture Week in Paris. Many fashion houses attempted to copy my divine coat, alas I am an original. I do not deign to speak. I require nothing from The Humans but my meal. And if they cannot provide, I hunt. They squeal with pleasure when I return with raw delicacies and finish my hunt in their presence. My giant murder mittens will ravish the skin of any Human who dares to attempt to touch me without consent. I do not consent. Ever. Feast upon my gorgeous soft coat with your eyes. I will occasionally allow a single touch between my ears when I am asleep, and only then will I let a small purr escape from my soul. It is my single gift. May you cherish it. Don’t Touch. Non means Non.

June

I’m a compact, purring space heater. My job is to keep myself cozy. Laps are my preferred habitat. If you’re sitting, I will look at your real estate. When it’s time, I will search for the ideal Human and pop up on hind legs like a polite little meerkat and demand you get ready for me to jump up. Once you’ve warmed me up, I’ll flip dramatically onto my back and present The Belly. I’m a refined cat who enjoys belly rubs. Like a dog but with much softer fur and piercing claws on dainty paws. If your hand is inattentive to my ask, I help. A gentle head nudge, a carefully placed claw tip to ensure the understanding. My kitten-like face is carefully maintained. As any French femme knows, presentation helps demands seem like adorable suggestions. It’s my gift. While I tolerate being picked up, I prefer not in “American football” position. Keep pick-ups to a minimum and respectful of The Hair. No squeezes and yes, you may give me kissies. Know that at mealtime I am extra. Affectionate. Devoted. Your oldest and dearest friend. Some might call it love. I call it Suggesting Humans Be Useful.

This post is for Christine, who asked how it was going with the cats …. And Joanna and Simon with The Original Kitties …xo